Two Complaints

I'm sorry, but this first post in a long while is just a couple of complaints.  I needed to express some frustration, and I don't keep a journal anymore where I can vent this.  But there is one positive comment at the end...  You can skip to the last paragraph if you want.  :) 

Complaints:

First complaint:

I don't like playing with people who are sore losers or sore winners.  I wish people could enjoy each others' success in a game: to play a game without gloating and without sulking.  I played a boardgame tonight with two people, and as soon as I started to win in any way, one of the two started complaining saying "We have to stop her!"  The game had only just begun, and it went on like that for the rest of the game.  Once that player started losing momentum, they were no longer interested in playing.  They would have only been interested in it if they had been winning. 

Second complaint:

I like taking pictures.  I take a lot of the same shot so that I can get the right shot.  The first one might be focussed on the wrong spot, or it is underexposed, or it isn't framed right, or the shutter speed is too slow.  I am not very good at using my camera.  So, I take a lot of pictures of the same thing.  And I take pictures of things that I find beautiful, and of things that I love.  I was taking some pictures during the aformentioned boardgame, and I was asked to stop taking pictures.  It seems that every time I start taking pictures of this particular person, they want me to stop.  Now, I understand that, because I don't like it when people take pictures of me.  But when they take good pictures of me, I don't mind.  I sometimes take pretty good pictures.  And, as I said, I take a lot of the same shot so that I get one that is good and that is a flattering image of the person of whom I am taking the picture.  So, when I am told to stop doing something I enjoy doing, it is discouraging and it creates a negative experience around that thing I enjoy doing.  I start to enjoy it less, and I don't want to take pictures, for fear of being discouraged from doing so.  When I used to sing, people used to ask me to stop singing.  Whether it was because I was too loud when I was practicing, or because they just thought it was a terrible sound that they didn't enjoy hearing, it was discouraging.  It is probably one of the many reasons I don't sing anymore.  That killed the enjoyment for me, and it made me feel as though I shouldn't do it because it was annoying to listen to me.  It is frustrating when people ask you not to do what you enjoy doing.  It takes the enjoyment out of it, and it is discouraging.  You begin to associate that activity with a negative experience. 

So please, if we ever play a game together, don't gloat or sulk: please let me be happy for you when you are winning, and please be happy for me if I am winning.  And if I ever take a picture of you, it's probably because I love you and I think you're beautiful. 

I make pottery/Support local artists.

I make pottery.  It's something I love doing.  I think anything handmade is special and unique.  It makes me sad to think that artists who make pottery are losing their livelihoods because we as consumers want things that are cheaper.  We have a big box store coming to our city which, I fear, will take away business from local companies and from local artists and artisans.  I, for one, hope to support local artists when I do my shopping, instead of just going to the nearest big box store for the latest, cheapest stuff. 

Ups and Downs of My Day

I'll start with the downers, because then I can finish on a positive note.  There aren't too many 'downs' anyway, which is good. 

So, for the last three days at work, one of my co-workers has been really snotty and rude to me. 

My co-worker can be a really nice person, but in the last while, she's just been so unkind sometimes.  I try not to take it personally, but it's pretty hard not to.  She never says 'hello' unless I initiate a greeting, and she only ever talks to me if it's about work.  Yesterday, though I asked her if she would do something, and she said "I don't know.  Whatever."  Then she just walked away.  I was hurt and got teared-up.  I don't know how I've ended up on her bad side or how I deserved that treatment.  I wanted to say something to her today, but things were less tense today, so I just left it.  I think I do need to talk to her though...  I don't want to feel this animosity between us.  I have to admit though, that I participate in talking about her with other co-workers.  It's just that she gets to rude with us sometimes, so we just have to roll our eyes...  I know it's partly my own fault, because I should have talked to her about the things which have been bothering me, but instead I've just let them fester and get worse. 

So that's one downer.  The other is this. 

I forget what it's like to spend time with someone who really enjoys my company. 

I guess it's not everyone, but it's my brother, especially.  Again, I'm trying not to take it personally, but it's hard not to.  He never initiates a hug with me anymore - he may not need hugs, but I certainly do...  He hardly smiles at me.  He never wants to spend time with me - he always leaves the room as soon as he's finished his supper or finished whatever task he has to do.  When he is in the same room as me, he's either on his phone, texting, or else he's on his computer, playing video games or surfing the 'net.  Tonight, we played a game of Cribbage - I asked if he wanted to play a game, and he said "whatever".  So we played Cribbage, but the whole time, he was answering texts and hardly ever smiled.  Neither of us were fulled engaged in the game, I'd say - I left to change from my work clothes, he got up to put away the leftovers, etc.  Any kind of conversation would have been pretty impossible.  When I asked if he wanted to play another game, he declined and said he had to go study.  He may have intended to study, but I know he just ended up on his computer, surfing the 'net or to watching shows.  I heard him laughing out loud in his room.  He find his computer more entertaining company than me, I guess. 

So, only two major downers.

And here are the "ups" of today.  I had some chance encounters which made for a nicer day.  I was running an errand on my coffee break, and I came across a lady in a wheelchair who needed help being wheeled inside.  The wind was gusty and cold, so I asked if I could help, and she really appreciated it.  Later, after work I was on my way home, but changed my mind and decided to meet some work friends at the downtown mall.  Instead of busing there, I walked, which only took about 20 minutes, but in the process, I got some much needed down-time and fresh air.  I also got to see a beautiful sunset which I might otherwise have missed seeing.  And I passed a guy who said, "Hey, Beautiful" to me.  I kept walking, but said hello back.  He asked how I was and I said I was good.  It was nice to be called 'beautiful', and he didn't seem insincere.  Then I got to spend some time at the mall outside of work with two coworkers who are both such fun, nice girls.  We shopped for make-up for one of the girls.  (I should have asked my coworker friend for a make-up consult for myself too.)  Then I bussed home (caught my bus right away) and read my book on the ride home. 

Most days have ups and downs, I suppose.  And I guess it's good to try and focus on the good things, instead of the bad. 

Snow!!!

It snowed today! 

The flakes were falling so softly.  It was beautiful to see.  The air was not too cold, and there was next to no wind. 

It has snowed a few times this fall already, but this is the first snow that seems to be really covering the ground.  My busride took a half hour longer, because traffic was really slow due to the slippery roads.  I didn't mind though, because I had a seat, and I just read my book all the way home. 

I love snow. 

Procrastication and Pessimism

Procrastination comes easily.  Too easily.  I put so many things off... for instance, right now I'm putting off going to bed, but instead I'm starting a blog...  There are many, many things I wish I had done by now.  Tree-planting (my knees probably couldn't take it now).  Back to school for the lab tech course (should have done that when the opportunity first came up about six years ago).  Teaching ESL overseas (I've always wanted to live overseas and travel and see more of the world, but I've always been afraid to leave home, family, friends, job, safety, the known - I'm worried I would be too lonely out there, and I worry about what I would miss out on back home). 

I was listening to an old WireTap podcast the other day (check out WireTap http://www.cbc.ca/wiretap/ - I love Jonathan Goldstein.  Check out the archives - I like his older stuff best).  They were reading an excerpt from Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives by David Eagleman http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sum_%28book%29.  In this excerpt from the book - in this perticular afterlife - you are confronted with different versions of yourself.  Versions of yourself who made better decisions - who left their home town three years sooner, who were in the right place at the right time and got a spectacular job, who invested more in love, who were more driven and who didn't give up so easily - and all of these other selves are more successful, and so you end up feeling more than a little bit jealous and irritated by them and their perfect lives.  I identified with this self who runs into these better, more successful selves.  I constantly doubt my decisions and regret many choices I've made in life.  I hope I don't ever have to run into these other selves in any kind of afterlife, with their singing careers, and their careers as lab technologists, and their passports full of stamps, and their lovely home (bought before the prices went up) full of kids and a loving husband.  I doubt I'll ever run into these other selves in an afterlife, but I often run into them in my thoughts...  They're hard to get away from.  

You always regret doing the things you did, and regret not doing the things you didn't do.  So basically, no matter what, you just end up regretting whatever it is you choose in life.  Now there's a pessimist's view on life...  How's that for a blog-opener.  I'm not always like this - I promise.  Welcome to my brain.